Snake Bytes: Weekly Cobra News

 

Volume 1, Issue 4 of Snake Bytes:

Friday April 15th, 2011

TOP STORY:

Cobra Participates in National Cannabis Study

Brian 'One-Time' Phelps recently admitted his participation in the 2010 National Survey on Drug Use and Health conducted by the Office of National Drug Control Policy (ONDCP).  The results were as expected.  Regular marijuana use does actually cloud your judgement and make you play poker like a donkey.  One thousand Holdem' and Omaha participants were closely monitored by the ONDCP last year and their poker results tallied.  In a resounding 91% of total participants surveyed the percentage of hero-calls and poorly executed bluffs were higher while donk-bets and bad reads also increased dramatically. 

In extreme cases, macho hallucinogen-induced statements were made as a result of the effects of too much cannabis in the dome.  This was readily observed as Phelps proclaimed after only one game this year, "Phelps champy 2011. Fresh slate is all I needed."  When asked about his voluntary participation in the survey Phelps replied, "Wait- what?  It was a nationally published survey?!  Damn, they just told us we were gonna get an Xbox Kinect for filling out some forms, wait- now that I think about it- I never got my Xbox!  WTF????!!!!"

OTHER HEADLINES:

Lucky Judson On Top

Elias 'Mongoose' Escobedo and Daniel 'Uncle D' Alberts sit atop the leader boards prior to this week's game.  "The school is open, class is in session." Alberts exclaimed.  Uncle Dan went from 11th to 2nd within the span of only two games by way of back to back first place finishes.  "I'm feeling it right now, Alberts admitted, "My quality cards are getting paid and I'm on the right side of the coin flip.  I'm in the zone, feeling good, and riding the rush... though it could also be my new blood pressure medication."  Escobedo declined to comment, obviously concerned with his uncle being right behind him in the standings.

Foronda Cashes in Vegas Tourney

Adlofo 'Snap-Call' Foronda has been 'high rolling' in Las Vegas this week.  Foronda reported via Facebook, "First tournament I sit down at here in Vegas and I cash #stoked."  Though it is still unknown exactly what kind of tourney Adolfo cashed in, an anonymous source reported seeing Adolfo at the Las Vegas Chess for Kids '"Tournament of Kings" dinner show inside the Excalibur Hotel.


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